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Right. Everything is very screwed up now, I can’t do anything. I am very scared, forgive my cowardice but i don’t know what to do, i have no intention of facing it, i can’t find any reason why i should, when even my faith fails, who do i turn to? I need blue sky holiday. I want to call him my best friend again. I want to know that my faith is going to guide me home. I am tired, but nobody knows, I fear for my future. I fear for my home.

Tinkerbell & Terence please take me away.

I had a pretty happening new year, not just waking up at the wrong house, but i went 4 parties in a night, i think i am pretty hardcore eh. Shawn’s Party was fun, all the old friends gathering for the same reason, it was nice catching up with eunice and shawn. It’s so hard to find friend in the same frequency nowadays, luckily i have them, some friends are like the four seasons, you only feel connected with them during a certain time.

i think i have lost quite a few good friends on 2009, and i am feel that no matter how hard i try to get find reasons that we still cna get back to where we were, i think i already lost them.

I can’t believe school is starting in 8 days. I hate it and i haven’t even start my homework yet. I am so dead, all i can hope is that my classmates didn’t do their homework too, then i will not look too bad. TEEHEE.

So, I said yes to the advisory role, i am not sure whether i will regret it, but i beginning to feel a little sour about it already, i am not being a bastard or playing hard to get, after being seen drinking liqour at a kids party i convinced myself that i can never change to be a good holy moldy boy to be a good example for kids, i really won’t pretend to be a good boy for the sake of YC. I hope that the 2 ray of light that gives me hope, continue to do so.

for now, presenting UNBORN animals

After the major event meeting today,  i am really reluctant to take up the advisory role in Youth Council. I was pretty pissed with some of the redundant comments made during the meeting, they are so shallow, I am not supposed to feel this way since I need to learn how to be loving and forgiving and some of them are still very inexperienced but sometimes it’s really about the common sense. I am very critical, but they really make me hyperventilate. I think i have given them more than enough chance to prove me wrong, I don’t think i am going to give them anymore chance.

Results this friday! I am trying very hard not to think about it. Keeping my fingers right crossed.

I went for penitential this morning and i was irritated by some parishioners that argues with the warden because they wanted to go first, seriously it is a penitential service, it might be a little unjust because they came early, but it won’t be too long before their turn and they kept urging, so childish i swear. There this young guy that give the wtf to the warden, how terrible.

MALAYSIA TMR! although it’s only a day trip but i seriously can’t wait because i beg my mum to let me go. It is the first time in my life my mum allows me to go aboard myself! LOBSTER LOBSTER HERE I COME!!! TEEHEE

Gordon left for Japan this morning, he promised to search for my tirumisu chocolate. ))

I want my tattoo at the DANGER , LIME GREEN & YELLOW ZONE!  now I have to think twice.

ULTRA RETARDED! SILICONE IMPLANTS FOR HIS TATTOO!

BUT GOT TO ADMIT THAT HE IS DAMN CREATIVE : )

I believe all the pain is worth it

 The one I really want

YC BBQ went pretty fine, beside from Alexandre Paul Yeoh complaining about everything beside from his own lousy barbequing skills, it was damn hilarious, I shan’t tease him anymore since he nearly broke his thumb, the whole metal grill dropped on his fingers, the grill was damn freaking heavy, I hope he is alright.

It was great seeing so many new faces, I only got to know 2 girls, not exactly know, but know their name, because I was too busy with all the cooking (& eating of course) it was a great catching up with some friends, like Nicole Lee, the girl that bullies me when I was Primary 4 and she was K2. I was disappointed with some of the member’s behavior, some of them even disgust me, and I seriously feel for their “victim”. I think they are way too immature. Maybe I am expecting too much, but I couldn’t stand making yourself happy by making other people miserable, I hope it won’t happen again.

I am still wondering whether to accept the role I was offered in YC. I am not trying to play hard to get. I am worried that I might make the wrong decision. I am not a very loving person so I don’t think I am very suitable for church work. I don’t know how people like APY can go around talking about loving and forgiving, I just can’t do it. I am pretty hot-tempered and I definitely cannot go around loving and forgiving, everyone should be responsible for their action regardless of age, so I don’t care how old people are when they do something wrong, wrong is wrong, age should not be a factor.

I was talking to Lionel & Jared and we all agrees that, YC is somewhat like RCCL; a brunch of young leaders handling a lot of kids, what will happen when they start managing events, can they handle it? Maybe, I am stereotyping too much, but the images of them playing catching in church and doing utterly stupid things and finding excuses for their wrongdoing just put me off. I think I should just let time decide.

Results are coming in on the 18^th as much as I want to know how much my hard work and sleepless night are worth, I can’t imagine how devastated I will be if it didn’t turn out well, I am not aiming for an A, I just hope that I get the results I deserve, heaven knows how hard I tried. Furthermore Christmas is coming I don’t want to have a grumpy Christmas.

I shall continue tomorrow! I wanna watch my GONG XIN JI!